“Does the New Year mean anything to you?” Niko called to me from the kitchen while I watched the news in the living room.
“What do you mean?” I asked in a less than pleasant tone. I knew what he meant. For the past couple days I was showing symptoms of growing frustration and he could tell with his killer intuition that it was deeper than the illness I’ve had for three weeks.
“Is the New Year significant for you? I’m just trying to understand my wife a little better.” How do you argue with a sweet boy like that?
The week before New Year I made plans to focus on self reflection. I wanted to think through the past year, celebrate small wins, and more importantly, think through the things I wanted to change. I was really looking forward to that time to assess areas of my life and feel like I had some sort of plan in 2018. Instead I spent it seeking comfort in every way possible – comfort food, sugar, binge watching The IT Crowd on Netflix. I wasn’t taking control of my life, I was succumbing to every want I had – indulging and consuming.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be the well-adjusted version of myself this week. I was disappointed and I couldn’t hide it from Niko.
Every year I pick a word as a theme for the next 365 days. My word for 2017 was intention. My word for 2018 is faith. I chose faith not only to encourage myself to dream bigger things for my business and step out of fear to take risks, but also because I want my faith in God’s work and character to increase this year. I want to believe the best in God when I don’t understand a specific outcome. I want to believe in God’s sovereignty over this world and my life, trusting that He is working in me and through me when I don’t feel it. I want to believe His comfort and healing is sufficient to mend my broken heart, still grieving over lost relationships. I want eyes that see God bigger than I have before.
When I think about it now, it seems fitting that I should enter the new year sick and miserable (not that I believe God made me sick to realize this revelation). I what I mean is here I am – seeking increased faith while simultaneously being reminded of my brokenness, my weakness, and my dependence on God. Isn’t it funny the way life works out sometimes??
If you had to pick a word to inspire you this year, which word would you pick? Let’s encourage each other to live out a great year!